AMERICAN IN ARABIA: Exclusive Conversation Between Bush and Blair
Recently, a UK tribunal asked for disclosure of a phone conversation between Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair and Former U.S. President George W. Bush. Their chat occurred two days before the invasion of Iraq in 2003 and is believed to be when they officially decided to completely screw up the Middle East with a preemptive attack on Saddam Hussein.
The tribunal maintains that “accountability for the decision to take military action against another country is paramount”. In other words, we all should have a listen to Tony and George's little man-to-man convo.
Fortunately for Al Bawaba, we have managed to obtain the transcript from the White House. (We blackmailed them with photos of President Obama smoking hookah).
Further investigative work has revealed that this conversation actually took place in person. Upon George W.’s request, the meeting was March 17th at a Sizzler in Texas. (He chose a Monday night specifically since it was All You Can Eat Shrimp). Be warned, due to some childish content, this may not be suitable for most adults:
(The Secret Service was operating under code names: Bush was Chuck Norris and Blair was Some Guy from England. We’ve done the good service of switching the names back to their originals)
Bush: Hey there knucklehead! (places the Prime Minster in headlock and rubs his hair with his knuckles) HaHaHa, there’s more where that came from! (Lets him go) How are ya, you tea drinkin’ mamma’s boy? (a reference to the Queen Mother)
Blair: (fixes hair, chuckles awkwardly) Well, I’m quite good. I really wish you wouldn’t do that, though it is better than the wedgie you gave me at Camp David last year. By the by, thanks to Richard for the pick up from the airport…. in a pick-up.
Bush: Oh, that’s why you smell like Marlboro Lights and tacos! I hate riding with him! (Vice President Dick Cheney) He smokes like a chimney, that crotchety old… Any way. Let’s get down to business.
Bush: Here’s the plan. I say we hit the salad bar first, then get us a steak, and top it all off with a boatload of shrimp! A quick heads up —seafood gives me gas.
Blair: Oh, I ate on the plane. Isn’t this place just a cover? I mean, it’s brilliant, really. Who would expect a head of state to come in here? (Bush puts plate back on the table, sits down but is still staring at the shrimp bar) So, it looks like we don’t have a great case against Saddam. This WMD theory has fallen flat on its bloody backside.
Bush: Now listen here; this man tried to kill my dad! And besides that, ol’ Wolfy (reference to Paul Wolfowitz) said if we lock in Iraq as a strategic base then, well ol’ chap, we’ll be bathing in oil and putting water in our cars!
Blair: I have no idea what that means but I like it! Let’s get him! You know what, I might have something to eat after all. I'm always a bit ravenous after a big decision.
Bush: Atta boy, Tony! Hey, by the way, the meal is on me but you’re on your own for drinks.
Blair: Splendid. I might grab a spot of ...(Sniff) Wait, what’s that sme..
Bush: Hehe, sorry buddy. I snuck in a few shrimp while we were waiting for your limey butt to get here. Now, c’mon, I’ll race you to the soups!
By Brett Weer
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- Former US president George Bush: “I hate Saddam”
- Race to the bottom: Saddam Hussein's buttocks up for grabs
- Israel Rejoices over Bush’s Remarks, Threatens to Re-Occupy PA Lands if State Declared Unilaterally
- Iraq rejects Bush speech, denies existence of ties with Al Qaeda; NATO delays war plans