Lads on tour: shagging, binging, groping and doing St. George proud in Dubai

Published April 23rd, 2013 - 16:34 GMT

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dubai taxi
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Image 1 of 10: In January, two British expats in Dubai took their "sex in a taxi" case to the Court of Appeal. In November the previous year, the two were convicted after doing the dirty in a cab after the driver claimed the lady was "naked, moving up and down and making sounds". Racy but illegal and despite hiring a UK 'publicist' the two remain in the nick.

Sean Emmett
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Image 1 of 10: A bad week for professional Grand Prix motorcyclist Sean Emmett got a whole lot worse after he was arrested for drinking alcohol. Sean was at to the police station dealing with paperwork after his wife died following a fall from a hotel balcony where the pair were celebrating their honeymoon and after his boozy breath, cops threw him in a cell.

no kissing
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Image 1 of 10: Everyone loves a good snog, but in Dubai, British expats should keep their lips unsealed. Ayman Najafi and Charlotte Adams were playing tonsil tennis and ended up spending a month in prison for puckering up in public, against the Emirates decency laws.

three british arrested
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Image 1 of 10: Drugs and Dubai are like chalk and cheese. Three "lads on tour" from the UK found themselves arrested and, as they claim, tortured by authorities, including electric shocks and being beaten, after police found synthetic cannabis in their car. Dubai described the claims as"baseless".

Paul Gascoigne
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Image 1 of 10: England footballing legend Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne, fresh from his appearance in an armed standoff in his native north-east England, revealed that when he went to Dubai, a place known for its strict drinking laws, he fell off the wagon and hit to bottle hard with expat fans posing for photos clearly having had one too many.

dubai night club life
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Image 1 of 10: Last year, cheeky Brit, Steven Sheriff, was faced with up to 15 years behind bars in Dubai after a woman claimed he pinched her bottom on a night out. The 43-year-old expat denied the grope, claiming he was unfairly attacked by the woman’s boyfriend. The case left all involved bummed out.

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Image 1 of 10: In 2012, a Brit-Indian was faced with three years hard time in Dubai for insulting the Prophet Muhammad. Deep Marwaha, 35, reportedly made the remark in an ‘abuse-filled’ text sent to a Muslim colleague. The message allegedly ended with a taunt: "Now show what you can do. I know lots of sheiks." Deep claimed he was asleep when it was sent.

no bad words
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Image 1 of 10: Back in 2011, a Brit’s bad language landed him in court. Andrew Graham, 40, was said to have called the Prophet Muhammad a 'terrorist' in a heated row with salesman in a Dubai shop. The British tourist was left red-faced once again when he was told to change after showing up to court in a pair of shorts.

shocked woman
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Image 1 of 10: Earlier this year, alco-cops arrested a British woman during a boozy weekend meal in Dubai. But it wasn’t only the liquid lunch that landed the expat teacher in trouble, officers were also riled to discover she was enjoying it at the home of a married man who was not her husband, a no-no in Dubai.

law respectful clothing
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Image 1 of 10: In 2010, Brit mum Tessa Meager was arrested and pulled in for three days of questioning after a veiled Muslim woman accused her of stripping in a Dubai mall. The local woman reportedly screamed ‘Respect!’ at the 28-year-old tourist, telling security she’d got naked. Tessa said she was covered in a kaftan and white shorts at all times.

For better or for worse, England’s influence in the Middle East has endured for well over a century. Gone are the days of beige linen suits, Balfour’s botched declaration and bomb-making tips courtesy of T.E. Lawrence. However, little England continues to spread its quirky charm, wielding a softer breed of cultural power, through its most famous exports, the lads on tour. And the ladettes. Showing a joyous disdain for local customs, the English have shagged, binged, insulted and groped their way into prisons the whole region over.

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