Rich Pickings for Egypt's Presidential Race: Mubarak, the Messiah, a Thief

Published April 1st, 2012 - 07:47 GMT

Rate Article:

 
PRINT Send Mail
comment (0)
A sombre looking ex President Mubarak
  Pause  
  Play  

Image 1 of 10: A motion for Mubarak's 2012 comeback? Ex-President back for more than 3-decade share. Just when you thought he was safely a has-been, in a curious twist of events, Husni Mubarak has received 17,216 nominations to run for Egypt's presidency. Tried, not yet sentenced, he remains eligible to run for office, until proven a War Criminal!

Mohammad Husni Mubarak for President
  Pause  
  Play  

Image 1 of 10: To add confusion to chaos, Mohammad Husni Mubarak for President! The First cousin of former Hosni Mubarak, who shares the same name, but hopefully a different agenda. Mubarak (the president) was sent to prison on account of inflicting violence on the protesters of the Jan. 25 revolution and for wasting government funds.

Egyptian presidential candidate Ahmad Madin Abu Shibshib
  Pause  
  Play  

Image 1 of 10: Ahmad Madin: His role model is Saddam Hussein, he wears “shibshib” (sandals) for formal functions, earning him the joke title “Abu Shibshib” and he claims to be a Muslim Caliph type. Never yet employed, with a business degree lying fallow, the village garb get-up is as deliberate as his bid to rule with policies unheard of til now.

Ali Saif declares he is Egypt's real man
  Pause  
  Play  

Image 1 of 10: Ali Saif: Running on the slogan that Egypt needs a real man & hero. Not just the real man, but a medical man, he says that a surgeon is required to remove all Egypt's 'tumors'. Saif holds no degrees and was never schooled formally to read & write. Still, his agenda is to fry bigger fish: He asserts that the presidency is too small & easy a role.

Sami Ibrahim runs for President
  Pause  
  Play  

Image 1 of 10: Morbid & sterile: The funeral undertaker who doubles as a 'masharati' (the guy who wakes people up for Suhur, the Ramadan meal before commencing the fast - obviously a very part-time role). His presidential campaign rests on him being 'sexually impotent', unfit for marriage & children. So no distractions from his dedication to the nation's needs.

Mohammad Mohammad Mousa
  Pause  
  Play  

Image 1 of 10: Mohamad Mohamad Mousa aka "Chosen One", the next Messiah, or Muslim counterpart Mahdi. A paid employee (which counts in this contest), his CV lists ridding the world of Antichrist i.e: Mubarak, Gaddafi, George W & al Assad. Now 53, he left KSA 1,000 yrs ago. He funds his campaign on God's bounty, & he owns half of the universe. Forbes, take note!

Egypt's 'thief' on TV running for President
  Pause  
  Play  

Image 1 of 10: Keeping it Biblical & Koranic, this candidate sees the error of his ways: The 'Redeemed' Thief hides his name, but appeared on TV sharing his criminal record. A reformed thief, he bases his worthy claim for presidency on a criminal past. This do-gooder gave out his cell no. on live TV, offering 'professional' advice on preventing home break-ins.

Za-ZA or Al Sayed Abdullah
  Pause  
  Play  

Image 1 of 10: Za Za, officially, Al Sayed Abdullah, claims he was touched (literally) by the Prophet Mohammad (PBUH), blessed with his holy support for presidential bid. The P.E. teacher aims to try the ex regime big shots & reap justice upon them; to increase as well as cap salaries to min wage, 2,000, max, 5,000 EGP; to boost education & supplement housing.

Egypt's candidate Mohamad Ahmad Askar
  Pause  
  Play  

Image 1 of 10: Let them eat meat! His Highness the 'Brince', Mohamad Askar, is a strategical expert in: Security, criminology, global terror, organized crime & reading the future. His campaign slogan: 'Say goodbye to fool (beans) & falafel'. This man promises 'Kafta' for all daily, in 3 meals, and intends to boost Egypt's productivity by dint of 3-day weekends.

Egyptian artist, Hayatem
  Pause  
  Play  

Image 1 of 10: A washed up belly dancer, Hayatem, for President! The former exotic dancer & 'actress,' is known for her sexy roles back in the day. Once a Facebook joke, her campaign is complete with manifesto. Perverting the Muslim Brotherhood's slogan 'We hold the good for Egypt's future', her mock-motto reads 'We hold the 'dala'a' (darlings) for Egypt.

It's probably a healthy sign of the changed times in Egypt, ripe with the promise of 'democracy' that Egypt's run up competition to the presidential elections includes some pretty bizarre candidates, vying for nomination. In past, less enlightened times, even the most qualified for the coveted role of President of this pan-Arab-esque nation would have shied away from running for presidential office in this nation that has seen just 4 Presidents in 60 years.

There's certainly no holds barred for the freedom to run for President this time round, as the choices are fairly open (and attracting quite the oddballs) at this stage of electoral procedings. Whether it's the undertaker, the Mahdi or former thief or belly-dancer, discover your pick of the outlandish candidates.

Ahead of the election itself which is scheduled for May 23-24, the nation holds its breath for the drama that has come to be expected of Egypt, with expectations of last minute surprise submissions to the draw - such as that of Mubarak himself. The very same ex-President who would have to be rolled on a gurney throughout his campaign. Yes, rumors backed by nominational figures speak of the ousted and enfeebled leader making a comeback election campaign. 

Other curious or downright funny candidates in the lineup for the presidency, says Al-Arabiya "are plumbers, spies, coffee shop owners, a cleaning lady, an undertaker, a dessert chef, future forecasters, restaurant owners and an undertaker from the Nile Delta as well as two career intelligence officers." 

And yet, it's not like Egypt's lifted all semblance of standards or opened up a free-for-all for its first show-case democratic election: 

"Independent applicants must secure the endorsement of 30 lawmakers or 30,000 people in at least 15 of Egypt’s 18 provinces in order to run." More than 500  Egyptian people have undertaken the procedure to submit their candidacy for President, so far, and this figure inlcudes the motley crew of car mechanics to next Messiah!

Among the most colorful candidates in the presidential race, is ousted and still-standing trial ex-Prez, Husni Mubarak. From the realms of rumor, this barlely believable bid has taken a life of its own. People purportedly put the bed-ridden man who would be hard-pressed to 'stand' for anything these days, up for the vote to receive the required nominations.

Husni Mubarak's cousin, eponymously named, is among the more brow-raising entries, keen to stress that he is not a clone of of his first cousin and supports the revolution.

"Abu Shibshib", (Father of the slipper) is another candidate with ideas possibly above his station. That hs admires ex-Iraqi President Saddam Hussein for his leadership and policies, is just one of his salient traits, not to mention that he sees himself as a Muslim Caliph. Another guy in the running claims that he is the Messiah or "Mahdi Muntazar", the redeemer of Islam expected to return. If you thought this man would be coming to Israel, think again! He draws his claim to lead Egypt from his diligent efforts to rid the world of the Anti-Christ. He names himself on nomination papers submitted as the 'Mahdi'.

Undertaker Sami marks his bid with intimate detail: If he succeeds to the presidency, his agenda (and condition of impotency) ensures that he will not be distracted by women (though we can't vouch for greed and corruption, the other downfalls of men in power). His priority will be to change the look of the Egyptian pound or Guinea, with mulit-religious symbols. A noble pursuit.

Another colorful candidate is the 'repentant thief' who has given up the trade after long years spent thieving. At times, this line-up reads as a Judgment Day panel of sinners and saints. There is the PE teacher with the big agenda of increase upon increases: whether its employment, salaries, to housing, to productivity and education, this man's determined to restore Egypt's dignity, under the auspices of the prais-ed Prophet himself (PBUH). This reminds us of another high profile presidential race that features candidates convinced that they are running under the Lord Almighty's good bidding.

Finally, a decrepit belly dancer and actress, propelled into the comedic side of the race by activistits on Twitter who launched a campaign to catapault her to the presidency, joins the peculiar parade. Here's a look at the curious line up of the funnier side of Egypt's presidential nominee hopefuls for President. 

Do you think any one one of these oddball candidacies for President has any credibility to do the job? Has any of these good people earnt your vote or backing to stand a chance for President of Egypt, 2012? Your thoughts on these outrageous campaigns!

Advertisement

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.