Guide to Forbidden Fruit 'n' Veg: Inspired by Muslim Cleric's Phallic Ban

Published December 8th, 2011 - 15:25 GMT

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Islamic guide to vegetable shopping - what's in and what's in the bin!

On the back of the mockery that has already not surprisingly arisen concerning the Muslim cleric who spoke out on his distaste for women handling phallic or 'penis-resembling' fruit and vegetables, Al Bawaba has thought to make light of the situation at hand. Forgive us if we've squeezed the lemon. Continue reading below »

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Cucumbers - This cool vegetable gets a big 'No' stamp. Off the kitchen table, away from those dainty female hands.
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Image 1 of 10:  1 / 10Cucumbers - This cool vegetable gets a big 'No' stamp. Off the kitchen table, away from those dainty female hands.

Enlarge
Eggplant (or aubergine) -- a likely prohibited member of the squash family, though the Arabian and 
Mediterranean popular veg did not get explicitly cited in the unnamed clerics taboo examples.
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Image 2 of 10:  2 / 10Eggplant (or aubergine) -- a likely prohibited member of the squash family, though the Arabian and Mediterranean popular veg did not get explicitly cited in the unnamed clerics taboo examples.

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Carrot —Curiously not mentioned. But it is safe to assume that this root vegetable would fall under the 'penis-resembling' 
camp of banned 5-a-day.
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Image 3 of 10:  3 / 10Carrot —Curiously not mentioned. But it is safe to assume that this root vegetable would fall under the 'penis-resembling' camp of banned 5-a-day.

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Banana – Explicitly banned for ladies by the cleric who employs a peculiarly misogynistic food classification system.
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Image 4 of 10:  4 / 10Banana – Explicitly banned for ladies by the cleric who employs a peculiarly misogynistic food classification system.

Enlarge
Zucchini (or courgette) – These  popular greens got a mention in the untouchable camp. Awkward for the Middle Eastern
female Muslim community who customarily spend a lot of time handling this, and cousin, vegetables.  Arab women spend hours in the kitchen
coring courgettes before stuffing them.
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Image 5 of 10:  5 / 10Zucchini (or courgette) – These popular greens got a mention in the untouchable camp. Awkward for the Middle Eastern female Muslim community who customarily spend a lot of time handling this, and cousin, vegetables. Arab women spend hours in the kitchen coring courgettes before stuffing them.

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Corn on the cob — Probably not, ladies.  Step away from the street vendor's cart of sweet corn.
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Image 6 of 10:  6 / 10Corn on the cob — Probably not, ladies. Step away from the street vendor's cart of sweet corn.

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Apples -- These would be deemed halal, and woman-handling is acceptable, maybe encouraged. Apples, while  most 
notorious for sin, in this case are less threatening than the poisonous apple from Snow White.
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Image 7 of 10:  7 / 10Apples -- These would be deemed halal, and woman-handling is acceptable, maybe encouraged. Apples, while most notorious for sin, in this case are less threatening than the poisonous apple from Snow White.

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Pears —  The fruity Sheikh would deem these safe for a woman's touch. Probably just about OK, if skirting on the cylindrical. 
Pear-shaped figures should get away with preparing a fruit salad, so long as bananas are left out.
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Image 8 of 10:  8 / 10Pears — The fruity Sheikh would deem these safe for a woman's touch. Probably just about OK, if skirting on the cylindrical. Pear-shaped figures should get away with preparing a fruit salad, so long as bananas are left out.

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Cabbage—Acceptable. Even this stinky crucifer gets an OK seal by the Europe-based cleric.
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Image 9 of 10:  9 / 10Cabbage—Acceptable. Even this stinky crucifer gets an OK seal by the Europe-based cleric.

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Watermelons—This cleric wouldn’t have a problem with women handling melons, presumably. Or coconuts for that matter.
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Image 10 of 10:  10 / 10Watermelons—This cleric wouldn’t have a problem with women handling melons, presumably. Or coconuts for that matter.

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1

Cucumbers - This cool vegetable gets a big 'No' stamp. Off the kitchen table, away from those dainty female hands.

Image 1 of 10Cucumbers - This cool vegetable gets a big 'No' stamp. Off the kitchen table, away from those dainty female hands.

2

Eggplant (or aubergine) -- a likely prohibited member of the squash family, though the Arabian and 
Mediterranean popular veg did not get explicitly cited in the unnamed clerics taboo examples.

Image 2 of 10Eggplant (or aubergine) -- a likely prohibited member of the squash family, though the Arabian and Mediterranean popular veg did not get explicitly cited in the unnamed clerics taboo examples.

3

Carrot —Curiously not mentioned. But it is safe to assume that this root vegetable would fall under the 'penis-resembling' 
camp of banned 5-a-day.

Image 3 of 10Carrot —Curiously not mentioned. But it is safe to assume that this root vegetable would fall under the 'penis-resembling' camp of banned 5-a-day.

4

Banana – Explicitly banned for ladies by the cleric who employs a peculiarly misogynistic food classification system.

Image 4 of 10Banana – Explicitly banned for ladies by the cleric who employs a peculiarly misogynistic food classification system.

5

Zucchini (or courgette) – These  popular greens got a mention in the untouchable camp. Awkward for the Middle Eastern
female Muslim community who customarily spend a lot of time handling this, and cousin, vegetables.  Arab women spend hours in the kitchen
coring courgettes before stuffing them.

Image 5 of 10Zucchini (or courgette) – These popular greens got a mention in the untouchable camp. Awkward for the Middle Eastern female Muslim community who customarily spend a lot of time handling this, and cousin, vegetables. Arab women spend hours in the kitchen coring courgettes before stuffing them.

6

Corn on the cob — Probably not, ladies.  Step away from the street vendor's cart of sweet corn.

Image 6 of 10Corn on the cob — Probably not, ladies. Step away from the street vendor's cart of sweet corn.

7

Apples -- These would be deemed halal, and woman-handling is acceptable, maybe encouraged. Apples, while  most 
notorious for sin, in this case are less threatening than the poisonous apple from Snow White.

Image 7 of 10Apples -- These would be deemed halal, and woman-handling is acceptable, maybe encouraged. Apples, while most notorious for sin, in this case are less threatening than the poisonous apple from Snow White.

8

Pears —  The fruity Sheikh would deem these safe for a woman's touch. Probably just about OK, if skirting on the cylindrical. 
Pear-shaped figures should get away with preparing a fruit salad, so long as bananas are left out.

Image 8 of 10Pears — The fruity Sheikh would deem these safe for a woman's touch. Probably just about OK, if skirting on the cylindrical. Pear-shaped figures should get away with preparing a fruit salad, so long as bananas are left out.

9

Cabbage—Acceptable. Even this stinky crucifer gets an OK seal by the Europe-based cleric.

Image 9 of 10Cabbage—Acceptable. Even this stinky crucifer gets an OK seal by the Europe-based cleric.

10

Watermelons—This cleric wouldn’t have a problem with women handling melons, presumably. Or coconuts for that matter.

Image 10 of 10Watermelons—This cleric wouldn’t have a problem with women handling melons, presumably. Or coconuts for that matter.

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According to the unnamed, possibly Egyptian, Muslim cleric living in Europe, some fruits and vegetables, specfically those most penis-like to the female imagination, should be chopped and prepared, even purchased by their man-folk. Sounds almost like an antidote to the chauvenistic cliched 'women belong in the supermarket queue or kitchen', doesn't it?  In fact, it's more disturbingly similar to the case of the (sexy) Saudi airport – that provided us with more insight into these Muslim clerics' 'idiosynchratic' mind-set than anything else.

The fruity Sheikh who aroused controversy, picked on certain fruits and vegetables that, he stated ' “resemble the male penis” and hence could arouse women or “make them think of sex.” '

With all that's flying around in the Middle East and world arena, namely the economic crisis, sanctions on Syria, existential threats to Iran, you'd hardly imagine that any one - let alone a busy Muslim Cleric -  would go to lengths to ban women from handling their groceries. 

According to our unnamed cleric, women can still indulge in their favorite vegetables, but only after their men have  prepared and "cut it for them in a hidden place so they cannot see it."

Islam, particularly in the Middle East, just now has been the source of buzz and sensation from the tragic protest deaths, to the ludicrous ravings of some of the religion's qualified experts.  Women driving in Saudi Arabia and the dangers that come with it to chastity and citizen morality  --- captured the media's attention just recently, and already risk giving Islam a bad name some have been quick to point out. 

In any event, here's some food for thought. The black-listed grocery items and the safe ones, according to one man's inevitably comic vision, following his guide-lines.

A guide to which members of the fruit and vegetable kingdom would be allowed or black-listed, 'Halal' or 'Haram'. 

Ambiguous members are included -- and outside of Al Bawaba's loose classification, the reader can make their own mind up.

This vegetable palava has caused quite a 'stir' to date - and not just of wok-fry variety - particularly among a slurred Muslim community who refuse to suffer such sex-obsessed voices acting in the name of the good religion of Islam. 

 

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