AMERICAN IN ARABIA Beckons the Trout-Pout, Tummy-Tucked Libyan Revolution

Published March 5th, 2012 - 12:13 GMT
The result of too much couscous.
The result of too much couscous.

A Jordanian friend of mine told me that he went to the hospital for surgery and had to share a bed with two Libyans. All kidding aside, it seems the 800 million dollars set aside by the new Libyan government for medical care (which includes airline fees, lodging and pocket money for the wounded) has taken on some drama. Apparently, some Libyans are opting for tummy tucks and this has caused several of the truly wounded to not receive care at all.

 

I think I like this new Libya, at least the part of it that’s flying folks out of country for a little plastic surgery. I can see the angle of the critics, arguing for the urgent care of wounded soldiers before any lip silicone injections. Your point is valid and duly noted. As an opportunist however, I must ask, why not have your cake and your anti-wrinkle cream too? Instead of sneaking the plastic surgery through the back door and, in consequence, have the hobbled warriors overlooked, let’s embrace both treatments for the new Nation. What is going to give the larger morale boost: a soldier with a new prosthetic leg or one with a prosthetic leg AND a buttocks implant to round out the deal.

 

Imagine the latest Libya in about 2 months, or however long the swelling from the implants cools down. Men and woman (and men who were women) filling the streets with one united, pouty-lipped cheer, “Freedom! And free tummy tucks for all!” The victory parade will be the closest thing to Arabian Mardi Gras since Elton John played in Dubai. We cheer the day CNN will be broadcasting images of the rebel warriors showing off their bare, ‘de-haired by laser’ chests and housewives rocking those pre-pregnancy jeans once again!

 

A Libya of old men with no ear hair and grandmothers turning heads, this will be the Arab Spring of Eternal Youth. Worry not, you injured masses, your needs will be met as well. But don’t be surprised if we tack on a liposuction and a lift: a weary warrior deserves to be pampered. Now let’s have a look at those cuticles!

 

By Brett Weer 


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