AMERICAN IN ARABIA Meets the Three Stooges of Arabia

Published March 14th, 2012 - 03:00 GMT
Even this white dove thinks it's funny. (Image source: "")
Even this white dove thinks it's funny. (Image source: "")

If ever there was a metaphor for the chaos in the world, this story would not be it. It does however give a hint of poetic symbolism when the emblem of peace, a white dove, is abducted in the Middle East. Recently in Abu Dhabi, two men and a boy were imprisoned for stealing 250 of these innocent, pale birds. If this is a sign of anything, it’s either dire economic times or petty criminals with a little too much free time.


“What do you want to steal today Ali?”


“Oh, I dunno. Selling DVDs is boring and I’ve got all these cell phones ringing in my house; it’s driving me crazy. Let’s spice it up a bit! I say we get rid of all those blasted birds next door that have been keeping us up at night. “


So in what sounds like a bad joke, an Omani, a Palestinian and an Emirati walked into a villa to steal some birds. Subconsciously the Three Stooges knew that with this amount of aerial poop-bombers, there would be a mess. But they said, ‘We’re robbers. We gotta wear all black!” Two minutes into the heist, they realized scared birds and dark clothes don’t mix well. Covered in white and shame, they pressed on, sticking the fowls in every pocket available.


“Hey, we are running out of pouches so Ali, unbutton your pants!”


“No way! I’ve already got a dozen in my hood peckin’ the snot out of my neck!”


Ya man, this will only hurt for a while, but trust me, the pay off will be worth it! 10 in the front, 15 in the back. Yalla!”


As they waddled out the villa, they looked like three plump, sloppy painters in a whole lot of pain. The police report says, Larry, Moe and Curly were quickly caught. Sources say it was because when they passed by the town dump, which was one block away, 30 alley cats attacked them for almost a solid hour.


Their three-month prison sentence has been suspended  since after the surviving one third of the doves were returned, “the owner had withdrawn his complaint”. The prevailing theory is that when the villa landlord saw the men covered in cat scratches, peck marks and bird droppings, he realized their lesson had been learned. A neighbor said it was because he hadn’t laughed that hard in years.

By Brett Weer 


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