AMERICAN IN ARABIA's Comic 'Leaks': The Assad Couple's SMS Chats

Published March 18th, 2012 - 03:00 GMT
Brett re-imagines what is going in the Assad SMS files, if such thing were to exist- shown for illustrative purposes.
Brett re-imagines what is going in the Assad SMS files, if such thing were to exist- shown for illustrative purposes.

Gone where no British newspaper has gone before: Brett goes imaginatively further into the Assad Couple's private lives than even the E-mails could. Ordering killings, playing scrabble, huh? More from that tongue-in-cheek American humor.

After the Guardian exposed his emails and his reclusion from reality, we can only imagine what Bashar Assad’s texts to his wife have said:

“Wherz the remote? TV has been stuck on Fox Movies for forever! Want to catch up on news.”

“I’m @ the store. They R completely out of Tylonel & all pain killers. What gives?”

“I’m bored. Let’s order some more killings. Or we can just play Scrabble”

“B home late. Stuck in traffic in Homs. Must be a parade or something. I bet itz for me”

“Luv u. Sorry bout the fight over the game last nite. I’m kinda stressed but dunno why”

“BTway, TORTURER is a legit word. Shoulda got 50+ points for using all my letters”

“Wanna order pizza tonight? I’m tired of Persian and Chinese every nite"

And the latest,

“Whatz my Gmail password? I can’t seem to get into my account?”

By Brett Weer


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