AMERICAN IN ARABIA Meditates on Saudi Gynophobia: Who's Afraid of Hillary Clinton?

Published April 2nd, 2012 - 05:43 GMT
'I'm Hillary, hear me roar!" - Brett highlights a big problem: Apparently, Republicans aren't the only ones intimidated by Hillary Clinton.
'I'm Hillary, hear me roar!" - Brett highlights a big problem: Apparently, Republicans aren't the only ones intimidated by Hillary Clinton.

Hillary Clinton was always considered the antithesis to Sarah Palin prototypes plaguing American politics. So, Brett liked to imagine a fictional scenario of the awkward moment when Hillary Clinton walks in on all that Saudi gynophobia.

On Friday, U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton arrived in Saudi for meetings “to discuss the Syria conflict against a backdrop of tension with Iran” and mention a thing or two briefly about oil, you know, since she was there anyway.

Recently as well, studies have shown that many Saudi Arabian men are suffering from an outbreak of gynophobia, an abnormal fear of females. Naturally then the coverage showing an uncovered American woman among the Arabian knights makes us wonder if the lady-bug infected those gatherings.

By now, HM King Abdullah of Saudi Arabiais immune to dealing with damsel dignitaries. But how does this phobia affect the less seasoned Saudis? Here’s a possible scenario with Foreign Minister Prince Saud al-Faisal, Defense Minister Prince Salman and Intelligence Minister Prince Muqrin who were all present at the meetings:

Mrs. Clinton has arrived on the scheduled time, but King Abdullah is running late- go figure. Everyone is sitting awkwardly in silence in the stateroom. So the Three Amigos realize they have to stall for the king. They huddle together and start whispering:


Prince al-Faisal: Hey Sal, go tell Madame Clinton’s husband that the King is going to be just a little late. 

Prince Salman: I already tried but that’s her bodyguard, not her husband. He tasered me when I got too close! Mr. Clinton must be sick or something. We have to talk to her- gulp-directly. But why am I doing it? You should be the one going over there, Mr. Foreign Minister!


Al-Faisal : “No way, ya man. I don’t know what to say. Listen! Just tell her that the King’s twelve car motorcade got a flat tire … and that you like her dress”

Prince Salman: “What!! Hell--"

Prince Muqrin: “--- Gentlemen, Gentleman.. by using my intelligence sources, I have constructed and formatted an appropriate cellphone- delivered memorandum and have delivered the aforementioned information”

Salman: “What did Mu just say?"

Al-Faisal: “He said he sent her a text. Great idea! Let’s see if she got it (they all look up, smile and nod their heads at her, then re-huddle). Ah, Camel chips! She didn’t get it! They must’ve left her cell phone on the plane!

Salman: “Ok, ok, ok,… I’m the soldier here so I’m going to brave it. Besides, Mu, you’ve never spoken to a female in your life and Faisal, your only move is to bust out the one French expression you know. Well, her goes nothing. Bismallah’.

Just then, the doorman interrupts, “Ladies and Gentleman, the Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques King Abdullah I is now here!

All three: “Oh, thank God!"

This female phobia does make us wonder if having Former President Clinton in tow would not have made the gathering less awkward, if indeed it was such. With Bubba there, all the men could have smoked some hookah, played doubles ping-pong and walked hand and hand through the gardens, which always greases the wheels of diplomacy.

However, having the U.S. Secretary of State Clinton there as an independent female with ankles and hair exposed may be just what the Kingdom needed to spring into action on Iran, Syria and the oil prices. The world may never know which is best so it just shrugs its shoulders and mutters, as Prince al-Faisal would say, “C'est la vie!”

By Brett Weer

Editor's Note: The views expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect Al Bawaba's editorial policy.

You may also like