American in Arabia: Qatar Defeats America in Eating Contest

Published April 16th, 2012 - 01:56 GMT
Is this the fate of most Qataris; electric carts and sweatpants ?
Is this the fate of most Qataris; electric carts and sweatpants ?

The Daily Mail reports that "Qatar was named as the fattest nation on earth.." Our American in Arabia weighs in on the matter.

Break out the gravy and mix in the syrup! We Americans are no longer the fattest cows on the farm. It turns out another country has proven itself to be even more in love with fast food and high cholesterol.

Qatar is now officially the wealthiest and unhealthiest nation in the world! Great job big fellas!  Of the adults among the almost 2 million populace, half of these turkeys are Butterballs--- clinically obese and fifthly rich.  Naturally then, 17 percent are diabetic. Wow, that's a lot of insulin and velcro shoes.

This small country has so much money that they’re actually using it to decrease their life span. And the report only gets worse for these overweight sheikhs;

The nation also suffers from a high rate of birth defects and genetic disorders - which experts put down to the custom of inter-marriage between close family members and cousins.

Somehow the discovery of oil has turned this nation into a glorified “Beverly Hillbillies”, complete with marrying one’s cousin.  The main difference is that the Qatari Jeb Clampett is missing a foot because of his high blood sugar and his son Jethro  moonlights as a sumo wrestler.

Akeed (Arabic for 'of course'), I kid. You all are new at this obesity epidemic, but to us it's old hat. Since we Yankees formally held the title for 'Chubbiest Citizens', let me share how we’ve handled our love handles.   I can sum it up in two words: electric carts.

Getting to and from places like the mall and Wal-Mart is easy enough for the portly, but how does one haul their hefty hind-sides around these massive malls? Don’t worry about shedding pounds or watching what you eat! In Amreeka we’ll provide an electric wheel chair complete with a basket, so the faithful patriots can stock up on more bacon wrapped meatloaf and deep fried cheese

Better yet, forget the scooters! When 17% of your adults have diabetes and birth defects are at such a high rate, it may be time to hitch up your dishdasha and go for a swim in a different gene pool. 

The Qatari government is taking steps to slim down its people. Their first piece of advice should be to take the steps, instead of the elevator. 

You owe it to your children and your left and right aorta.  Trust me, those electric carts might be comfy, but they’re nothing compared to a healthy heart.

Now, there was mention of some turkey and gravy? Serve it up!

By Brett Weer



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