Saturday Night Live Puts Trump's Impeachment Trial on Show!

Published February 2nd, 2020 - 10:25 GMT
The show kicked off with a courtroom scene, where John Bolton, Hunter Biden and the president made appearances.

Donald Trump hobbles into the courtroom for his impeachment trial using a Harvey Weinstein-inspired walker, in Saturday Night Live's cold open.

The show kicked off with a courtroom scene, where John Bolton, Hunter Biden and the president all made surprise appearances.

It comes after the fate of Trump's impeachment trial was effectively sealed on Friday when Senators voted 51-49 against calling witnesses – limiting the chances of Democrats being able to remove the president from office.  

The show portrayed the TV Judge Mathis, played by Kenan Thompson, booting Chief Justice John Roberts, aka Mikey Day from his seat.

'This court needs a real judge who got some big brass ones under his skirt,' says Mathis. 

Next to enter the courtroom is Mitch McConnell, played by Beck Bennett, who reminds the American people 'that all men are innocent after proven guilty.'  

Senator Lindsey Graham, acted out by Kate McKinnon, steps into the defendant's box and admits that he will say Trump is innocent to save his own career.

He admits his chances of getting re-elected 'ain't going to happen unless I kiss Mr. Trump's grits and tickle his biscuits, and that's why I do declare that Mr. Trump is innocent.' 

Judge Mathis overrules attempts to not call witnesses, saying 'we are calling witness because that's how a damn trial works'.

'John Bolton get your dumb ass in here,' he says.

Former security advisor Bolton, played by Cecily Strong, was presented as money-hungry and desperate to make sales of his tell-all book on his dealings with Trump. 

The judge asks: 'And why are you only coming out with this now?'

Bolton says: 'Coz I'm a messy b***h who loves drama.'

When pressed on what other allegations are in the book, Bolton responds with a sales pitch.

'Sorry no more free spoilers but you can pre-order the book now,' he says.

'It's called Harry Potter and The Room Where It Happened.' 

Another surprise guest - Hunter Biden - takes the witness box next. 

Joe Biden's son, played by Pete Davidson, is caricatured rolling in on a hoverboard while vaping. 

The sketch pokes fun at allegations Trump made that Joe Biden tried to help Hunter's business interests in Ukraine.

On SNL, Hunter Biden does admit that his current job is being on the board of a money laundering company called Nepotismo.

'I've been selling Biden steaks from my office at the top of Biden Tower,' he said, 'and letting foreign leaders stay at Biden-a-Largo. Oh no wait, that's the president's sons. Ya burnt!'

Then Trump arrives in the courtroom to represent himself.

The president, played by Alec Baldwin, takes a leaf out of Weinstein's book by hobbling into the courtroom using a walker.

Weinstein, who is also on trial, has made headlines with his apparent mobility issues as he enters and exits the court in Manhattan.

A disabled access ramp is just yards away from the stairs he is pictured struggling up each day.

Weinstein's spokesman has previously told he uses the stairs 'to exercise his back and for a quicker route in' as well as to avoid walking past the press.

SNL poked fun at the media mogul, with the judge commenting to Trump: 'Are you trying to do a Weinstein on me?'

Trump comments that 'Harvey and I overlap in a few areas' – a reference to, not only their ongoing trials, but them both having been accused of harassment and sexual assault by multiple women.

'I'm a very sick old man. How can I withhold anything from Ukraine, I can barely get around the house?' Trump says.

Later in the sketch, the president has changed into a Phil Spector wig.  

Music producer Spector is serving 17 years in prison for the murder of actress Lana Clarkson in 2005 and wore a number of different wigs in court.

Also to make an appearance in the cold open is Democrat Adam Schiff, played by Alex Moffatt, who Trump namecalls 'shifty Schiff'. 

This leads Mathis to call in 'a real lawyer' who enters in the form of 'my cousin Vinny',  aka Kyle Mooney.

'There’s no way this guy Trump only met with two Uks,' cousin Vinny says, before clarifying he means two Ukranians. 

The trial ends with a parallel reality version of events where Trump splurges out a list of confessions. 

'Ladies and gentlemen of this government place. What I've learned from this trial is that clearly nothing I do or say has any consequence, so I'd like to come clean about everything,' he says.   

He first confesses to the Ukraine allegations: 'With Ukraine it wasn't perfect, it was illegal and frankly it was a butt dial.

'Also, I watch CNN all the time and it's awesome. I hate the following states: Iowa, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Arkansas and West Virginia. West Carolina, I'm sorry. 

'I cheat all the time: at golf, taxes, wives, elections, in bathroom scales. I'm not 239 pounds; I'm 475 pounds. And I don't really need this walker either, although it does help me be lazier, which I like.' 

He then goes on to admit accountability for the coronavirus outbreak spreading across the US.

'I cut the funding to the CDC so this Wang Chung virus is really going to be bad,' the president says.

The sketch comes as the eighth confirmed case of the virus in the US was announced Friday – and the first suspected case in New York City revealed Saturday.

Democratic presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren slammed Trump earlier this week for cutting health funding saying his approach to 'keeping us safe from disease outbreaks is a mess'.

In the sketch, Baldwin's Trump then goes on to brand the trial 'incredible' because 'I now have a best friend' as he put his arm around a worried-looking McConnell.  

McConnell laments about what he has done by defending Trump who he has just discovered is guilty of all charges.

He sings: 'What have I done? Have I just thrown away all my dignity…' 

Judge Mathis finds Trump guilty and hands the multi-billionaire a fine and a punishment to have to say something nice about House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

The show ends with Trump doing his penance, by saying of Pelosi: 'Her body's an eight.'  

This article has been adapted from its original source.

© Associated Newspapers Ltd.

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