Lily Allen has admitted that she questioned her own sexuality, after hiring prostitutes in the midst a tumultuous period of her marriage to now ex-husband Sam Cooper.
In a new interview in the November issue of Cosmopolitan, the 33-year-old singer also revealed that she was almost sectioned, following a blazing row with Sam over whether he'd embarked on a new relationship after their split.
Speaking of questioning her sexuality after hiring the female sex workers during her Sheezus tour, she told the magazine: 'I had this little voice in my head saying "maybe". The not-masturbating and not having the connection with anyone… maybe I was looking in the wrong places.
'But I didn’t feel attracted to women. I was just on a mission to find out what was going to wake something up in me, so I was trying everything out.'
The star, who has made a series of bombshell revelations in her explosive new autobiography My Thoughts Exactly, also went on to speak with Cosmopolitan about the showdown she had with Sam in 2016.
Lily explained that the argument spiralled out of control not because he'd moved on — as they'd long split and she was in a relationship with then-boyfriend Meridian Dan — but because he was 'cagey' about revealing the truth to her.
'It was a build-up of everything and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back,' she recalled. 'When I feel that the people I trust most have betrayed that, my whole world falls out from underneath me. [The staff] had me pinned down on the floor.
'I picked up a water cooler and threw it through the window. Dan said six nurses tackled me to the floor and they had the needle out and were about to knock me out and sedate me. Once the needle goes in, you’re sectioned. [Dan] had to really fight with them not to do it.'
Lily — who shares daughters Ethel, six, and Marnie, five with her ex-husband Sam — also went on to admit that her Sheezus tour might have been a more stable environment had she been allowed to take her children with her.
'I had always assumed I’d chuck my kid over my shoulder and take them around the world.' she told Cosmopolitan. 'But Sam didn’t want that. He didn’t think it was a stable environment for them.
'I think it was quite selfish. He got to stay at home and have the family that I’d just spent three years making inside me. I had to go out and earn money and leave that family behind.
'If the kids had been there it would have created a more stable environment. When you wake up in a place where you don’t know anybody and you’ve got 16 hours to kill, you’ve only got a few options.'
The star has since employed the services of therapist, who she says she's now such a huge fan of that she fears the day she no longer has access to him.
She said: 'I love my therapist more than anything. I’m terrified of the day he’s going to die. I’ve actually asked him, "Do you have an apprentice? If you get hit by a car, does someone else just sit there? And are they up-to-date on what’s going on with me?"'
Shocking: In her book, Lily has also claimed she had sex with her dad Keith Allen's 'TV star' friend when she was just 14 and he was 19, before alleging her father joked about he scenario
Part of her path to improved mental well-being has been tempering her self-consciousness over her body since rising to fame, an issue which dangerously affected her eating habits.
She revealed: 'I was gearing up to do promo for the second album. That’s when I started not eating, when I started thinking about having to do photo shoots and red carpets. When I was feeling really bad, everything that I ate would come back up.
'If I wasn’t, it would be just lunch or dinner. Part of me getting ready for a show would be to vomit for 20 minutes. Then I’d clean up my face and start doing my hair and make-up. I just felt really fat and grotesque.'
And while the Smile singer is now in a 'good place', she has admitted that she wouldn't necessarily describe herself as 'happy'.
The star said: 'Look, happiness for me is your first E at Glastonbury – that’s the happy place. I don’t think I’ve ever had that base level of happiness.
'What I see as being happy is that fake level of happiness because that’s what I’ve had from the spike in endorphins or whatever.
'But I’m in a happy relationship, my kids are thriving and I’m creating great music. I couldn’t really ask for much more. So, yeah, I’m in a good place.'
Read the full letter in the November issue of Cosmopolitan – on sale from Wednesday October 3rd.
Lily has made a series of shocking revelations and claims in her new tell-all book, My Thoughts Exactly, in which she recalls taking drugs and sleeping with married men.
Yet the singer has insisted she has 'no regrets' about baring all, and hopes that one day her daughters will read the memoir themselves.
Appearing on ITV's Loose Women recently, the star confessed that she wants her children to hear about the events so that they will realise any feelings of 'neglect' they have are 'mummy's fault', and not theirs.
The straight-talking star explained: 'I definitely feel that way. It will have a lasting effect on them then if I don't. They’ll internalise those feelings of neglect. I want them to know it was mummy’s fault, not their fault'.
The singer confessed that splitting with Sam in 2016 after five years of marriage has been a help when it comes to navigating the work/motherhood balance, reasoning: 'Divorce has really helped. Me and my ex-husband, we share custody.
'They don't notice me really going, I do it [work] on his week. The music industry isn't very good at that… they would say “it costs money” for me to fly around the world to see my kids. I think it’s about being firm and not caving in.'
Discussing her book further, Lily added: 'I don’t want to complain, I’ve achieved so much and had great experiences... I feel I've been misrepresented in lots of ways. So I wanted to give my own version of events... It's my version of events, it's not fact.'
Revealing that her mother has also read her book, she said: 'Someone said: “It must be really difficult for you have read it Alison”.
'She's fine with it - she understands there was a need for me to get it out there. It's just how I remember things. She said: "I felt really you felt like that"'.
My Thoughts Exactly has been causing ructions due to her claims that she had sex with Liam Gallagher in a plane toilet, employed female escorts to help her through her marital strife and her dad Keith's 'cocaine-induced' heart attack.
Lily's book is laden with candid confessions, with her sex life being the focus of much of the book - including her admission about not having pleasurable sex until her thirties as well as her many infidelities to now ex-husband Sam.
She also claimed she had sex with her dad Keith's 'TV star' friend when she was just 14 and he was 19, before alleging her father joked about he scenario.
The star made the bold claims that after a charity football match she was sent to the friend's hotel room only for the mystery man to invite her up to his room.
After attending a charity football match with her dad, Lily revealed: 'After the match, the TV star left his football gear in my dad’s car, and I was dispatched to his hotel to return it. We arranged to meet in the bar there.
'He bought me a couple of drinks, then took me up to his room and had sex with me. I was 14. He was 19, but to me he seemed like someone from a different generation. Afterwards, I felt funny about it. I knew what had happened wasn’t right…'
Moved on: The Smile singer, 33, is in a long-term relationship with grime MC Meridian Dan
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