Summertime always meant nothing if I didn’t buy the new Amr Diab album. Some of the best memories of my life were finding a ticket to one of his Sahel concerts in Marina’s Roman Theatre or Mina 4, trying to get in along with the thousands of fans without getting crushed, singing along to every word that he ever serenaded us with and spending the rest of the year listening to his cassette tapes while studying.
Summer hasn’t been the same for some years; I grew older, suffered from awful heartaches, became realistically bitter and actually started listening to every word artists brainwash us with. Here are 10 times lovers should not listen to Amr Diab:
We Malo - Translation: So what if we stayed out all night
I am sorry, but I am assuming these kind of words can only be romantically expressed before marriage, which means I am living with my parents, so there is a curfew, hence your suggestion will only end with one of two things: being grounded for life, home schooled and marrying the first 3aris salon I get or my parents calling the police, assuming I was kidnapped.
Khalik Fakerni - Translation: Don't forget me
How dare you delude the whole Arab world into thinking that a post-breakup phase is that romantic and beautiful? And since closure is key, why would I want someone who left me to keep remembering me and coming back? That is a five-year long disaster waiting to happen. I’d rather eat fried food and cry for a month.
Matkhafish - Translation: Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you
By the way, thousands get dumped that way. Americans calls it “ghosting”, which is simply disappearing, and in Diab’s case it can be flawlessly done after pretending to be away for whatever reason.
Habibi Ya Omri - Translation: My love, if you really loved me then you would leave me alone
Yeah yeah I get it, a classic “it’s not you, it’s me” lie. You taught thousands of men the “I am a broken guy with issues that are too destructive to handle” trick and we fall for it every time. Unfortunately, a woman can only be the redemption of a broken man in songs and literature.
Yareet Sennek - Translation: I wish you were two years younger, you're too young this way. Except, there's nothing wrong with the way you are
Is she an airhead who needs to grow up or is this unintentional pedophilia?
De7ket - Translation: What are you waiting for after smiling?
I actually thought a smile could end with a marriage proposal. A smile would get you as far as a Facebook friend request and maybe an Instagram follow request if you have good teeth.
Kolo Ela Habibi - Translation: Who have I got in this world except for you?
One of my all-time favorite songs. The lyrics are simple, beautiful and will end your relationship in real life. I love this line, but guess what, when you use it to charm someone, at first it works really well then you get accused of not having a life or friends and your happiness should not depend on one person. Nevertheless, this is my favorite genuine line.
We Heya 3mla Eh Delwa2t - Translation: What is she up to right now? Should I go and talk to her? Is she upset with me?
Why are you asking us? Why are you an indecisive man who can’t make up his mind? Why all the mind games? And why the hell do we love this song when you are simply hurting and confusing her?
Shawa2na - Translation: Make me miss you more
Again with the mind games.
Ice Cream Fi Gleam - Translation: Ice cream in December
This is not love advice just a very bad medical advice. December and ice cream left me with bronchitis for two years. Moral of the story, Amr Diab will crush your expectations, heart and lungs.
By Dina Hashish
