Last week, we delved into what it means to grow up as a girl in a world that can be quite unjust. However, just because the world can be unfair towards girls, does not mean that growing up as a boy is made of butterflies and rainbows. Each gender has their own challenges, and emphasizing the unfairness and discrimination that comes with being born a girl does not deny or de-validate the challenges that come with growing up as a boy.
If I am being honest, I have yet to see someone writing about what it means to be a boy, and the kind of mental, physical and emotional pressure that comes with it. This is largely due to the fact that boys are taught over and over again that expressing their emotions means they are weak and less of a man.
As a result, not enough people are talking about the downside of being a boy. But I think this is a topic more people should start addressing, so here I am, trying to understand and convey what it means to grow up as a boy.
Society just loves putting certain standards that everyone has to confirm to. It seems to me that the minute we are born, a society-made checklist is there to tell us what we should and shouldn’t be doing. And that is the case with being born a boy as well. From a very young age, boys are taught to mask their emotions.
They are told that “real men” do not cry and that showing their emotions is a sign of weakness. They are raised on the idea that confidence and strength are the attributes of a real man, and anything that has to do with emotions is “unmanly”. Therefore, these same young boys grow into adults who have no idea how to handle their emotions or form healthy relationship bonds.
So why are so many surprised when years of suppressed emotions and unhealed trauma turns into anger and aggression? And that greatly contributes to many of the violence and assaults stories we hear nowadays. Toxic masculinity can impact a man’s mental health significantly and it is no longer just a gender problem, because it entails consequences that affect society and the world as a whole.
But masking their emotions is not the only thing boys are told to do. Boys are also raised on the idea that in order to be a real man, you should play sports and get into something that is “manly”. Which means that singing, dancing and arts are of the table because they are not things that “real men” do.
With growing up as a boy comes a great deal of responsibility because after all, you are the man of the house. And it is on you to provide and take care of the entire household even if it means sucking your own blood dry.
If you ask me, this can be quite unfair, especially in today’s world. Life is not getting any easier and saying a man should be the only provider puts a severe sense of pressure on men to meet some unrealistic expectations. As a result, many of the young men nowadays do not think of marriage or having a serious relationship, because it might entail a burden they cannot carry on their own.
“I lost my father at a very young age and I had to step up and put on a strong front to help my mother and sisters. I never had a childhood, because I had to be a “man” from a very young age. So I lived the life of a man in the body of a child, and now I am a grown man still holding onto a childhood he never had. Not only did I have to carry a huge responsibility at a young age because I am a man, but I also see people silently judging me for being an artist who talks about emotions and feelings. As though it is a shameful act to be a man who feels.” - Haytham Sharrouf, Multidisciplinary Artist
“All men are the same”
We have all heard it. We might also be guilty of saying. Unfortunately bad men have left no space for the good men to shine through. And while I believe that women have heard, seen and experienced a great deal of distress to make them doubt men, it can still be unfair to think of all men as the same.
Because this way, we are ripping away the right from good men to show us who they really are. An entire gender should not be judged because some number of men turned out to be rotten.
There is so much injustice in this world. Whether you are a girl or a boy, I know that the world can be cruel to both. And talking about the struggles and unfairness that is imposed on one does not erase the injustice done to the other. Therefore, it is important to understand that in order to erase the stereotypes and social pressure that comes with being a certain gender we need to speak up and take serious action against any injustice we might see.
Because at the end of the day, it does not matter if you are a man or a woman, all that matters is that you know what it means to be a real human. And being human has nothing to do with that set of chromosomes you were born with, but instead it has to do with compassion, understanding, kindness and empathy.
