6 Awful Movies (You'll Love to Watch This Halloween)

Published October 30th, 2017 - 05:14 GMT
Looks like it's time for seafood. (Syfy)
Looks like it's time for seafood. (Syfy)

It’s Halloween tomorrow, which means parties, costumes, Stranger Things, the usual crowd getting worried about Satanism…and movies.

Everybody loves a good movie, but Halloween is a great time for the good bad movies: the blood-soaked laugh-fests that you share a pizza around.

Here’s a list of so-bad-they’re great movies based around Halloween; we won’t be touching on stuff like The Room here because they’re not season-fare.

1. Troll 2

Above: Suggestive of how the movie was made. (Epic Productions)

Here’s the most hilarious thing about Troll 2: it’s not a sequel. It tries to pretend it’s a sequel to 1986’s Troll, but there is no connection between the movies and, you know, despite the title, there are no trolls in Troll 2 at all.

No, Troll 2 started-out because Rosella Drudi brushed against a muse’s angel wings, by which we mean she got angry because her friends became vegetarians.

The movie was doomed from the start, with an American-Italian crew unable to cross language barriers and a production unit obsessed with keeping the film on zero budget. If it isn’t apparent by the visuals, the soundtrack’s repeated one-note leitmotifs drive that point home…again, and again, and again.

Why you should watch it:

Because the acting is Oh my goddddd.

2. Birdemic: Shock and Terror

Above: A still from a 2010 movie. (Severin Films)

Writing a movie about a romantic couple being haunted by murderous birds seems like a really dumb idea, largely because it is a really dumb idea, but that hasn’t stopped people from trying. Some people make it work—Hitchcock’s The Birds isn’t too shoddy, though not nearly the classic some people pretend it is.

But sometimes people who aren’t legends in their fields waddle in with a camera, an idea, and a misguided sense of purpose. These people make movies like Birdemic: Shock and Terror, which is only shocking and terrifying in the sense of how much it’ll make you laugh.

The plot is thus: a slick, successful Silicon Valley prodigy makes big bucks. His old classmate, Nathalie, is a Victoria’s Secret fashion model. Their love life is thrown into disarray after birds start attacking their town.

It sounds like it’s self-aware; it’s not.

Why you should watch it:

Riveting aerial combat.

3. ThanksKilling

Above: The face of a killer. (Gravitas Ventures)

ThanksKilling is a bit of a tragedy: it was going for a horror-comedy mash-up, but the comedy fell flatter than a decapitated chicken and the horror was only half as effective.

Beautifully taglined with a “Gobble Gobble, MotherF#%@ER,” the film begins in 1621, in which a topless Pilgrim is complimented on her, uh, endowment and then killed with a tomahawk by a trash-talking turkey.

Look, nobody expected Citizen Kane.

Why you should watch it:

Here's to vegetarianism!

4. Plan 9 from Outer Space

Above: The face of a vampire, or a lady who's just dropped her cake? (Valiant Pictures)

This is the bad horror movie, a mistake wrapped in incompetence inside a fiasco of a production set.

The film is about a group of aliens who hope to stop humanity from creating a superweapon by resurrecting the dead. The ensuing disaster includes: a chase scene in which one side is running away during the day, and the pursuers are just a repeating shot of a zombie at night; a “cigar-shaped” spaceship that looks like a hubcap; and the greatest opening line ever put to film: “We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you…in the future.”

Plan 9 from Outer Space secured its director Ed Wood’s reputation as the worst filmmaker on the planet. It is stupidly fun to watch.

Why you should watch it:

My friends, my friends:

5. The Alone in the Dark series

Above: Yep, that's Christian Slater. (Lions Gate Films)

If you like video games, you’ve probably heard of Uwe Boll, who made his reputation directing some of the stupidest movies you’ll find this side of cringe.

Alone in the Dark is probably the most recognizable of these, though BloodRayne is a sweet close second, and for the purposes of Halloween, it’s hard not to fall in love with a movie that has Christian Slater react to the line: “If you come down here alive, you’re already dead.”

Amazingly, Slater didn’t return for the sequel.

Why you should watch it:

The Nostalgia Critic did not like it:

6. The Sharknado series

Above: Boom! (Syfy)

There’s a tornado. The tornado has sharks in it. There’s a guy who jumps into the eye of a tornado with a chainsaw.

It’s so awesome.

Why you should watch it:

Check back tomorrow for good horror movie recommendations.

Read related stories:

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