Say waa-llah?!? Halal hookers, Israeli toilet spies, exploding suicide bomb teachers -- Al Bawaba´s 14 weirdest of 2014

Published December 30th, 2014 - 15:03 GMT

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With 2014 winding down, it’s time to look back (if you dare) at AlBawaba’s 14 wackiest stories of the year. We have militant wannabes too fat for ISIL, drunk Saudi tourists, halal hookers and Israeli spies in the bathroom. Throw in an unhealthy dose of bestiality, and it’s been a year to forget as quickly as we possibly can.

1. Just what Bin Laden always wanted for Christmas: "Gingerbottabad" exact replica of Osama's compound

2. Lardass ISIL? Australian brothers too fat to join militant group, family says Continue reading below »

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We kick things off with one of our absolute favorites, a gem that showed up on the Internet way back in the beginning of the year. It’s a complete gingerbread replica of Osama bin Laden’s Abbottabad compound, lovingly constructed by an American army intelligence officer.
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Image 1 of 14:  1 / 14We kick things off with one of our absolute favorites, a gem that showed up on the Internet way back in the beginning of the year. It’s a complete gingerbread replica of Osama bin Laden’s Abbottabad compound, lovingly constructed by an American army intelligence officer.

Enlarge
We doubt that these next characters have been chowing down on any gingerbread terrorist compounds, but they’ve been pigging out on something. Two of four Australian brothers who allegedly left to join ISIL have been called too fat for combat - by their own parents.
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Image 2 of 14:  2 / 14We doubt that these next characters have been chowing down on any gingerbread terrorist compounds, but they’ve been pigging out on something. Two of four Australian brothers who allegedly left to join ISIL have been called too fat for combat - by their own parents.

Enlarge
But if they’re too tubby for the front lines, maybe they can get jobs making cat videos. Trying to soften their image, purported ISIL members posted dozens of images of themselves playing with kittens to Twitter.
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Image 3 of 14:  3 / 14But if they’re too tubby for the front lines, maybe they can get jobs making cat videos. Trying to soften their image, purported ISIL members posted dozens of images of themselves playing with kittens to Twitter.

Enlarge
Our final favorite terrorism story comes from an event we hope will be repeated over and over next year … a suicide bomb trainer blew himself up along with 21 of his students.
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Image 4 of 14:  4 / 14Our final favorite terrorism story comes from an event we hope will be repeated over and over next year … a suicide bomb trainer blew himself up along with 21 of his students.

Enlarge
This former student didn’t get blown up, but it sounds like he had some pounding headaches. Nearly 20 years after the man tried to get an edge on a school test, a doctor found his old cheat-sheet stuffed in his ear.
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Image 5 of 14:  5 / 14This former student didn’t get blown up, but it sounds like he had some pounding headaches. Nearly 20 years after the man tried to get an edge on a school test, a doctor found his old cheat-sheet stuffed in his ear.

Enlarge
Our next tale of Saudi wackiness involves a time-honored tradition: getting completely hammered on vacation. After boozing it up, a tourist walked into the wrong apartment, and helped himself to both a kiss from a woman, and her husband’s wallet.
Reduce

Image 6 of 14:  6 / 14Our next tale of Saudi wackiness involves a time-honored tradition: getting completely hammered on vacation. After boozing it up, a tourist walked into the wrong apartment, and helped himself to both a kiss from a woman, and her husband’s wallet.

Enlarge
Back in the day, apparently, Al Gore’s security staff also found a man where he wasn’t supposed to be: an Israeli spy hidden in the air duct of the veep’s bathroom. Officials hushed it up so as not to damage U.S.-Israeli relations.
Reduce

Image 7 of 14:  7 / 14Back in the day, apparently, Al Gore’s security staff also found a man where he wasn’t supposed to be: an Israeli spy hidden in the air duct of the veep’s bathroom. Officials hushed it up so as not to damage U.S.-Israeli relations.

Enlarge
Sadly, this relationship seems to have been damaged beyond repair. After seeing her face for the first time on their wedding night, a Saudi man divorced his new bride. Apparently they skipped the traditional “exchange of brief glances” during the courtship process.
Reduce

Image 8 of 14:  8 / 14Sadly, this relationship seems to have been damaged beyond repair. After seeing her face for the first time on their wedding night, a Saudi man divorced his new bride. Apparently they skipped the traditional “exchange of brief glances” during the courtship process.

Enlarge
Guess that Saudi guy should have followed the advice of this Egyptian cleric, who thinks it’s just fine for guys to watch women shower … as long as they plan to marry them.
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Image 9 of 14:  9 / 14Guess that Saudi guy should have followed the advice of this Egyptian cleric, who thinks it’s just fine for guys to watch women shower … as long as they plan to marry them.

Enlarge
Sadly, badly managed breakups seem to be a universal constant. In this Iranian tale of woe, a man got dragged to court when he bounced the hush-money check to his first wife, trying to buy her silence about his second.
Reduce

Image 10 of 14:  10 / 14Sadly, badly managed breakups seem to be a universal constant. In this Iranian tale of woe, a man got dragged to court when he bounced the hush-money check to his first wife, trying to buy her silence about his second.

Enlarge
Oh well - at least he can try some “halal” hookers in Amsterdam’s infamous red-light district. The brothel owner consulted with three moderate imams (they’d have to be) and found prostitutes who don’t drink or do drugs, and pray five times a day.
Reduce

Image 11 of 14:  11 / 14Oh well - at least he can try some “halal” hookers in Amsterdam’s infamous red-light district. The brothel owner consulted with three moderate imams (they’d have to be) and found prostitutes who don’t drink or do drugs, and pray five times a day.

Enlarge
After turmoil in Egypt, authorities there have been cracking down on dissent. Apparently that applies to what you name your donkey, because a farmer was sent to jail for naming the animal after now-President Abdel Fatah al-Sisi.
Reduce

Image 12 of 14:  12 / 14After turmoil in Egypt, authorities there have been cracking down on dissent. Apparently that applies to what you name your donkey, because a farmer was sent to jail for naming the animal after now-President Abdel Fatah al-Sisi.

Enlarge
In more donkey news … Honestly, it’s hard to know what to even say about this one. A man trying to rape a donkey got what he deserved when the animal put up a fight.
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Image 13 of 14:  13 / 14In more donkey news … Honestly, it’s hard to know what to even say about this one. A man trying to rape a donkey got what he deserved when the animal put up a fight.

Enlarge
At least the donkey could fight back. This poor chicken never stood a chance against its rapist. What’s more, there was footage that ended up briefly on YouTube. Our mothers got mad at us for just writing about this one.
Reduce

Image 14 of 14:  14 / 14At least the donkey could fight back. This poor chicken never stood a chance against its rapist. What’s more, there was footage that ended up briefly on YouTube. Our mothers got mad at us for just writing about this one.

Enlarge

1

We kick things off with one of our absolute favorites, a gem that showed up on the Internet way back in the beginning of the year. It’s a complete gingerbread replica of Osama bin Laden’s Abbottabad compound, lovingly constructed by an American army intelligence officer.

Image 1 of 14We kick things off with one of our absolute favorites, a gem that showed up on the Internet way back in the beginning of the year. It’s a complete gingerbread replica of Osama bin Laden’s Abbottabad compound, lovingly constructed by an American army intelligence officer.

2

We doubt that these next characters have been chowing down on any gingerbread terrorist compounds, but they’ve been pigging out on something. Two of four Australian brothers who allegedly left to join ISIL have been called too fat for combat - by their own parents.

Image 2 of 14We doubt that these next characters have been chowing down on any gingerbread terrorist compounds, but they’ve been pigging out on something. Two of four Australian brothers who allegedly left to join ISIL have been called too fat for combat - by their own parents.

3

But if they’re too tubby for the front lines, maybe they can get jobs making cat videos. Trying to soften their image, purported ISIL members posted dozens of images of themselves playing with kittens to Twitter.

Image 3 of 14But if they’re too tubby for the front lines, maybe they can get jobs making cat videos. Trying to soften their image, purported ISIL members posted dozens of images of themselves playing with kittens to Twitter.

4

Our final favorite terrorism story comes from an event we hope will be repeated over and over next year … a suicide bomb trainer blew himself up along with 21 of his students.

Image 4 of 14Our final favorite terrorism story comes from an event we hope will be repeated over and over next year … a suicide bomb trainer blew himself up along with 21 of his students.

5

This former student didn’t get blown up, but it sounds like he had some pounding headaches. Nearly 20 years after the man tried to get an edge on a school test, a doctor found his old cheat-sheet stuffed in his ear.

Image 5 of 14This former student didn’t get blown up, but it sounds like he had some pounding headaches. Nearly 20 years after the man tried to get an edge on a school test, a doctor found his old cheat-sheet stuffed in his ear.

6

Our next tale of Saudi wackiness involves a time-honored tradition: getting completely hammered on vacation. After boozing it up, a tourist walked into the wrong apartment, and helped himself to both a kiss from a woman, and her husband’s wallet.

Image 6 of 14Our next tale of Saudi wackiness involves a time-honored tradition: getting completely hammered on vacation. After boozing it up, a tourist walked into the wrong apartment, and helped himself to both a kiss from a woman, and her husband’s wallet.

7

Back in the day, apparently, Al Gore’s security staff also found a man where he wasn’t supposed to be: an Israeli spy hidden in the air duct of the veep’s bathroom. Officials hushed it up so as not to damage U.S.-Israeli relations.

Image 7 of 14Back in the day, apparently, Al Gore’s security staff also found a man where he wasn’t supposed to be: an Israeli spy hidden in the air duct of the veep’s bathroom. Officials hushed it up so as not to damage U.S.-Israeli relations.

8

Sadly, this relationship seems to have been damaged beyond repair. After seeing her face for the first time on their wedding night, a Saudi man divorced his new bride. Apparently they skipped the traditional “exchange of brief glances” during the courtship process.

Image 8 of 14Sadly, this relationship seems to have been damaged beyond repair. After seeing her face for the first time on their wedding night, a Saudi man divorced his new bride. Apparently they skipped the traditional “exchange of brief glances” during the courtship process.

9

Guess that Saudi guy should have followed the advice of this Egyptian cleric, who thinks it’s just fine for guys to watch women shower … as long as they plan to marry them.

Image 9 of 14Guess that Saudi guy should have followed the advice of this Egyptian cleric, who thinks it’s just fine for guys to watch women shower … as long as they plan to marry them.

10

Sadly, badly managed breakups seem to be a universal constant. In this Iranian tale of woe, a man got dragged to court when he bounced the hush-money check to his first wife, trying to buy her silence about his second.

Image 10 of 14Sadly, badly managed breakups seem to be a universal constant. In this Iranian tale of woe, a man got dragged to court when he bounced the hush-money check to his first wife, trying to buy her silence about his second.

11

Oh well - at least he can try some “halal” hookers in Amsterdam’s infamous red-light district. The brothel owner consulted with three moderate imams (they’d have to be) and found prostitutes who don’t drink or do drugs, and pray five times a day.

Image 11 of 14Oh well - at least he can try some “halal” hookers in Amsterdam’s infamous red-light district. The brothel owner consulted with three moderate imams (they’d have to be) and found prostitutes who don’t drink or do drugs, and pray five times a day.

12

After turmoil in Egypt, authorities there have been cracking down on dissent. Apparently that applies to what you name your donkey, because a farmer was sent to jail for naming the animal after now-President Abdel Fatah al-Sisi.

Image 12 of 14After turmoil in Egypt, authorities there have been cracking down on dissent. Apparently that applies to what you name your donkey, because a farmer was sent to jail for naming the animal after now-President Abdel Fatah al-Sisi.

13

In more donkey news … Honestly, it’s hard to know what to even say about this one. A man trying to rape a donkey got what he deserved when the animal put up a fight.

Image 13 of 14In more donkey news … Honestly, it’s hard to know what to even say about this one. A man trying to rape a donkey got what he deserved when the animal put up a fight.

14

At least the donkey could fight back. This poor chicken never stood a chance against its rapist. What’s more, there was footage that ended up briefly on YouTube. Our mothers got mad at us for just writing about this one.

Image 14 of 14At least the donkey could fight back. This poor chicken never stood a chance against its rapist. What’s more, there was footage that ended up briefly on YouTube. Our mothers got mad at us for just writing about this one.

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